Mental Health Break

I’ve been really stressed today… I’m not exactly sure what it is… I have a major, reoccurring issue where I keep feeling a massive lack in purpose. I revert back to my old ways regularly, that being, the existential crisis.

The all-mighty question “What is the point of anything?”

I think that was part of the problem, why I went off track and stopped making videos as consistently. Eventually I wasn’t even making videos that seemed remotely close to what they were before because I stopped seeing the meaning.

You know how when you are young, relationships with people seem so magical? So exciting and new? Friendships… dating… everything…

Then as time passes, you slowly realize… it’s all orchestrated? Like… we’re all just… going along? Living the human experience, and that’s it?

What could we really do to be different? To change this? How can we find ourselves, our true selves without being warped by the conditions we’re born into?

If I relax too much, I feel bad for not working more.

If I work too much, I feel bad for not being a more relaxed person.

You ever watch the show Bojack Horseman?

I‘m such a hypocrite…

I used to watch Bojack Horseman and be like “Wow, he can never be happy, no matter what happens, he finds a reason to be unhappy.”

I said the same thing to someone I broke up with when I was a teenager… I said they could never be happy, I could never make them happy… maybe we were not so different.

But here’s me hacking my own brain.

I’m going to split my mind into two, and talk myself through this, watch:

Pro Fellow: You’re currently just in a mood. This will pass, and suddenly, you will feel much better.

Con Fellow: Yes, but this mood keeps happening. It‘s a big part of you, and you’re just going. To wind up here no matter how much you succeed or grow.

Pro Fellow: Maybe that’s fine. Maybe that’s all part of the process, the seasons of your mind. If it was all happy and up, would you still be living? Feeling? How can you appreciate the summer if winter never comes?

Con Fellow: Right, so you’re saying I should just… endure this? Look forward to the better times because this too will pass?

Pro Fellow: When people are on their death beds, dying of whatever horrible illness you’ve been so lucky as to not have to endure yourself… they often are happy and content… why do you think that is? Con Fellow: Because the don’t have to worry about being successful anymore… they don’t have to worry about anything… because their life is about to end, so there’s no more pressure of doing anything. It’s The same reason people who plan to kill themselves are suddenly happy before the end. The know they don’t have to hurt much longer.

Pro Fellow: It could be that, or it could be that happiness is purely based on the chemistry in your mind or gut. Maybe if you eat healthier, and you focus not on the outside world, but the one within, you will be happier.

Con Fellow: You’re right actually… you’re really right. Perhaps I need a mental health break from the things stressing me out, and I should focus on simple things, because I’ve made my life way too complicated?

Pro Fellow: Yes, but will you stick to that? Will you actually follow through?

Con Fellow: Probably not… I’m probably going to forget this conversation, and go right back to the routine I’ve been enduring for many years now…

Pro Fellow: You probably are. But, this conversation, it is progress, it is therapy, and, it is a reminder that can help build the new path for you to eventually take. First you have to discuss the change, and repeat that discussion of the change. Eventually…

Con Fellow: Eventually it will be such an exercised concept that actually living it will become natural?

Pro Fellow: Why not?

Con Fellow: …talk to you later.

Pro Fellow: I hope so.

Anyway…

I want to say thank you to the person who said hello today to me because they recognized me when I was in public.

Things are different when you’re around people in person. They’re often nice… and that’s a great thing. It’s important to live in a world of sanity. Surrounding yourself with people who are cool. Things can get distorted online, people act differently when far away… if I want to have good health, mentally, physically… I need to engage in reality a whole lot more.

I need to touch the dirt, I need to walk on the grass, I need to breathe the air outside and talk to the people right in front of me.

My whole life is waiting.