I busted up laughing repeatedly writing this script. When I started, I wasn't even planning on having the twist, the original joke was "Let's just say a bunch of crazy things." but later, it turned into something much more beautiful:
So apparently there is a major celebrity out there causing trouble... so people seem to say/believe. Personally I don't believe much of anything these days outside hard evidence, like Chris Brown & Rhianna, that was like "Ok, this guy is messed up." but for some reason, a lot of folks are cool with just going on hear-say with folks like Johnny Depp and numerous other HUGE celebrities, and I'm like, bro? No dude. I just want to enjoy my movie.
Regardless, here's the original script for Immortals and Elites: