top of page

"Why Does No One Like Me?" - Answered

In your community exists people who are not so different from people of countless other communities. A lot of times you'll find everywhere you go, there's the outcast, the nerd, the handsome one, the airhead and so on. People, somehow, naturally fall into vacant roles, almost like we are fulfilling a preexisting template of the human experience. Are we all destined to experience relatively similar lives for the sake of some greater purpose? Or is it all just the rule of nature, for balance and a promise of a certain calculated result?

You might be reading this because you believe either you or someone you know is unliked by almost everyone, and you're looking for insight on why that is. Or maybe you're here for another reason, like you think this is the blog of Shane Dawson and not Onision *pause for applause* Either way, I would love to deliver on your curiosity. WHO IS THIS GUY!? Yeah, so first off, who am I? Why should I be able to talk about whether or not people like someone and the solution to that possible problem? Well... I'm an observer that makes up half a normal human lifetime. If you're not as old as me, listen here; if you're older, maybe I could get lucky and actually teach you something just the same. In the past I've been on both ends, the person in the group, and the person incompatible with the group. This experience can give great perspective if you treat yourself as a student of life. HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY There could be for a number of reasons, but more often than not, the confusion could be because you aren't considering the will and nature of the group. Most humans want to feel like they are a part of something. They will change themselves so they can be a part of that something, and if they see something or someone that does not fit within that something, they often resort to rejecting that something or someone. To translate, let's say you are the color blue, inside and outside. You see a massive group of reds. You want to hang out with the reds, but the reds have spent their whole life trying to fit in with other reds, and by interacting with you, they could become less red, you could contaminate them, or make other reds think that they specifically are not as red by associating with the blue that is you. Why would they risk their hard work, just to please you? Some would, those are called "compassionate and inclusive" people. But most people are no those things, not to that extent. Or to bring it to an even more relatable analogy, let's say you are an Atheist, and there is a group of Christians. Let's assume these Christians aren't the ideal "love all people" types and are instead the "Leviticus said!!!" types. Christians, in this context, will naturally reject you because rejecting you makes them seem like they're more Christian than ever. You are an Atheist, their supposed opposite, so by shutting you down, they of course must be nothing like you. Why would they like you or welcome you if it threatened their own position in their chosen society? The same applies to people trying to convince the public they are not something they actually really are. You have heard of gay people leading the charge against gay people before? A fictional enactment of this scenario was between a gay character in Glee, and his bully. The bully was actually gay, but he was afraid of peer judgement, so he acted like being gay is wrong, and attacked the other gay boy. There are also examples of people in political office, insisting they are moral and just while condemning others for what they do, only to get caught themselves with prostitutes and illegal drugs. Sometimes humans want to be part of a group so badly, they'll reject even themselves/their true nature. THE SOLUTION Let's say you were canceled for passing gas in public or upsetting a popular person in a group that you want to be a part of. Whatever the reason, most any member of most any group wants to be loved by the fellow members of that group. If a member of a group thinks they will be punished by having a public farter around them, or a popular person doesn't like you and therefore association with you will cost them popularity: OUTCOME NOT GOOD Essentially humans work off rewards systems. If they feel the will be adequately rewarded, especially if that reward is social, by associating with you, they likely will. If they think they will be punished by association with you, they will likely not associate. This simple concept impacts, I estimate, 80% of people to a significant extent, very likely more. Even if it's wrong, they'll still do it, they'll still ignore what they know is right, for the sake of fitting in. How do you think Hitler rose to power? So let's say you have 8 friends... and someone tells all your friends that you murdered someone when you were half your current age. Wow, scary right? Well, if more and more people tell your friends that? The majority of your "friends" might just start looking at you like you're a murderer. But why would more and more people tell your friends you're a murderer? What is their motivation? It comes down to the rewards system again. They are saying this thing because other people said it to them, and by repeating the crazy idea, they are pushed further into the inner circle they aspire for, and are serving to make their circle even bigger by recruiting you into it as well. To translate: Lie is told, lie is rewarded with peer approval, social reward from spreading lie is observed, those desiring same social reward repeat the lie, and it goes on and on. So let's both assume, you're not an actual murderer, and that was just a rumor... what do you do? Well ultimately, the solution to the gas issue that was not rumor based but rather, really happened, instead of farting publicly, wear deodorant and cologne, so instead of the "fart guy" you become the "nice smelling guy". Now let's cover the earlier issue where someone popular does not like you, what do you do? Well, you could get them to like you if you are socially talented enough... or you could find someone even more popular to like you, there's a real solution that works in the right environment. For example, let's say Machine Gun Kelly does not like you... ok, befriend Eminem. Problem solved. But really, the popular people issue is irrelevant in my opinion as I'm more concerned with people enjoying my smell than getting approval from some random popular person. The reason being, I don't care what the opinions are of popular people, but I personally do not like people farting around me, and I do like people who smell good, so? Clearly one takes priority in my mind. Now let's go back to the original point and say everyone thinks you're a murderer, what do you do about that? My personal advice would be to not take it too seriously. People will think what they like so long as they feel incentivized to think that way. To obsess over whether or not people think you're a murderer is kind of silly, as if you really were a murderer, there would likely be an investigation that concluded you were. Like wouldn't you think it was odd if you heard someone was a murderer but it turned out, no authority ever took it seriously enough to have a single conversation with the alleged murderer? It is however true that sometimes murderers can go undetected for a very long time, sadly... but in most cases, it comes down to the reality that people just like to spread baseless rumors, and you can't let talk ruin your happiness and your ability to press on in your own life, accomplishing great things every day. To let childish gossip ruin your day may indicate your own serious emotional immaturity. THE CONCLUSION Ultimately, relying on others to like you for your own stability's sake is a dangerous personal habit. Many people have ended their own lives because others do not like them and that's terrifying, especially considering you're talking about a permanent end to what could have been a productive and happy life. There was even a school shooting where allegedly a boy was rejected by his peers so he... targeted and shot up a place that his bullying peers weren't even at?

The point is, I truly hope everyone reading this thinks about a few things they enjoy in life, and you make your life about those things, not about peer opinion or made up social expectations regarding how you dress, how you talk or otherwise. Your life is ticking away, and when it's all about to conclude, are you going to think about all the random people who didn't think you're awesome, or are you going to think about all the things/people you loved that you didn't give enough attention to because you were too distracted with the random uneducated/unrealistic thoughts of others? The meaning of life is to fulfill your purpose, and your purpose is to do the things that make you/your loved ones deeply happy.

Don't overcomplicate things, just live.

Recent Posts

See All
bottom of page