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Adam159900

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About Adam159900

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  1. Every now and then I just think about life. Think about what it could be or become. I think about all the exciting S●●● that normal people like me can't even do quite yet. It still all seems boring. You know about a week ago or so I thought about how killing myself might help at least five times. I thought about killing myself over five times in a given day because I felt nothing in this world could amuse me anymore. This is a lie obviously. I have many days where it all is pretty decent. Life feels worth it. Still though a good chunk of the days I just think about how it would feel so nice to just get it done. My existence makes me mad on those days because I can't kill myself for many reasons but the main one being the people around me. They would care. They would cry. So I won't do it. I still think pretty often if something that I haven't even thought of yet would make me happy or wanna live more but I haven't found that yet. I guess all of this S●●● is me just venting again so take it as you will I guess.
  2. Alright sorry you had to go through all of that but this still isn't about pride for me. Like I said it is because of personal reasons that I can't and won't see one.
  3. Well I just don't know if I can believe everything on google and it isn't about pride when it comes to the professional.
  4. First of all I am not going to see a medical professional for personal reasons so don't mention it. I am just trying to get information about if I even have "depression" and if so then what kind do I have and like how severe and S●●●. Then what I can do to "help" myself. So yeah, if someone knows of a legit website where I can find good information such as this and more then I would greatly appreciate it.
  5. Well if you know me you know I have "depression" or something I guess. If you don't well I might have "depression" or something. So I just gotta say that I am just mad at myself. I never went through anything traumatic or significantly terrible to give me this "depression". That is what just pisses me off. It just f●●●ing happened. Makes me feel like a dumb f●●●ing b●●●●. Makes me feel weak. Like I'm that "depressed" guy but for no f●●●ing reason like what the f●●●! I don't know much and I've heard it can just happen but even if that is true I still feel like a weak little b●●●●. Maybe I'm just stupid and a lot of people go through this same kind of anger. Maybe I really am just a weak little b●●●●. If you have any insight on the matter well share I guess.
  6. What's up? I'm high. I'm bored. What's up with you?
  7. One of the circumstances isn't permanent. Another one might be. I guess I'll get down to doing some research and see what I can do.
  8. Well the truth is because of certain circumstances I can't get the "help" everyone is telling me to get.
  9. Well, last night I cried so hard for a while and had a terrible headache and then went to sleep. Fun times.
  10. So I am sitting there thinking about some kind of sad S●●● and all of a sudden everything seemed to go slow. Like I was thinking fast as f●●● about everything involving the kind of sad situation but my body was moving slowly and everything seemed to move in slow motion. Then I just started crying. What the f●●●!
  11. Well that happiness didn't last long I guess but I don't f●●●ing know how to feel. I'm just like a f●●●ing emotional rollercoaster piece of S●●●. Just going up and down. Never staying in one spot for long. Today I f●●●ing held back tears basically throughout the entire day but I don't know why. I just felt like I had to cry. I couldn't cry cause I had to hide it from the people around me but now I can let it out and I just feel so sad for no f●●●ing reason. I just wanna keep crying. I thought about death a lot more. What it would be like. Should I speed it up? I feel alone too. Too scared to tell anyone anything that can actually do something about it. I'm scared of the consequences of telling people I guess. I'm just a f●●●ing piece of S●●●, f●●●. f●●● me. I, just, f●●●.
  12. Simple reason, humans are stupid. Like very literally stupid. Just how it is.
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