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About Adam159900

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  1. I have sad dreams a couple times a week usually. It is always the same thing. This girl that I haven't talked to for over 5 months because I was trying to get over my love for her is always in it. The only thing is in the dream we are together or at least closer friends like we used to be. I even had one where she told me to text her later which killed me when I woke up realizing it wasn't real and I shouldn't text her cause it will only make things worse for myself. Even damn near had me crying. I can't always tell that I'm dreaming so when dreams happen with her in them it f●●●ing kills me when I wake up realizing it was literally all in my head. So yeah, I have this bad dream pretty often.
  2. Well ain't that a b●●●●
  3. I don't understand crying. I hate it honestly. Tears come out. Then the headache starts. Well for me at least. I don't know whether to cry or just hold it in anymore. Nothing good happens after crying. If anything I have a headache like I said before. They say to cry every now and then I think. This is to release some built up emotions I guess. Well what if you feel like you wanna cry everyday and could if you didn't force yourself to hold it in because you don't want the headache or unnecessary tears rolling down your face? Then what? Crying for hours also doesn't solve any of my problems. That is another reason I don't really cry even if I feel I need to. I guess I just wish I couldn't cry anymore. You know?
  4. Every now and then I just think about life. Think about what it could be or become. I think about all the exciting S●●● that normal people like me can't even do quite yet. It still all seems boring. You know about a week ago or so I thought about how killing myself might help at least five times. I thought about killing myself over five times in a given day because I felt nothing in this world could amuse me anymore. This is a lie obviously. I have many days where it all is pretty decent. Life feels worth it. Still though a good chunk of the days I just think about how it would feel so nice to just get it done. My existence makes me mad on those days because I can't kill myself for many reasons but the main one being the people around me. They would care. They would cry. So I won't do it. I still think pretty often if something that I haven't even thought of yet would make me happy or wanna live more but I haven't found that yet. I guess all of this S●●● is me just venting again so take it as you will I guess.
  5. Alright sorry you had to go through all of that but this still isn't about pride for me. Like I said it is because of personal reasons that I can't and won't see one.
  6. Well I just don't know if I can believe everything on google and it isn't about pride when it comes to the professional.
  7. First of all I am not going to see a medical professional for personal reasons so don't mention it. I am just trying to get information about if I even have "depression" and if so then what kind do I have and like how severe and S●●●. Then what I can do to "help" myself. So yeah, if someone knows of a legit website where I can find good information such as this and more then I would greatly appreciate it.
  8. Well if you know me you know I have "depression" or something I guess. If you don't well I might have "depression" or something. So I just gotta say that I am just mad at myself. I never went through anything traumatic or significantly terrible to give me this "depression". That is what just pisses me off. It just f●●●ing happened. Makes me feel like a dumb f●●●ing b●●●●. Makes me feel weak. Like I'm that "depressed" guy but for no f●●●ing reason like what the f●●●! I don't know much and I've heard it can just happen but even if that is true I still feel like a weak little b●●●●. Maybe I'm just stupid and a lot of people go through this same kind of anger. Maybe I really am just a weak little b●●●●. If you have any insight on the matter well share I guess.
  9. What's up? I'm high. I'm bored. What's up with you?
  10. One of the circumstances isn't permanent. Another one might be. I guess I'll get down to doing some research and see what I can do.
  11. Well the truth is because of certain circumstances I can't get the "help" everyone is telling me to get.
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