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I was talking to this guy (we met through fetlife) and we were hitting it off amazingly, so we decided we wanted to try to date. He went to sleep for work today, and I decided to clean my house to pass the time. I come back a few hours later to him having blocked me on everything we talked on, and I am at a complete loss. Is it me? Do I make people not want to be around me? What's wrong with me? I feel unloveable, and it hurts like hell. I had finally gotten to the point of feeling able to smile again, and now I just feel hopeless and empty all over again. I wish I wasn't so easy for people to throw away.
This is about my first boyfriend. I've changed his name to protect his identity because, while things went sour, he deserves privacy. I'm calling him 'Carl' just so you know. Carl was in my third period class. I was very shy, social anxiety, so I didn't speak to anyone except the teacher or groupmates for a project assignment. Carl was also shy. He asked his friend in that same class to ask me for my phone number and if I would go on a date with him. I thought, "I'm 18. This shouldn't be too hard. I need to get out more anyway. This could be fun. My first date." No one had ever asked me out before. I told his friend yes and wrote down my phone number. Carl texted me immediately. the rule in my house is that my parents have to meet any boyfriend/girlfriend we, me and my siblings, start dating. By this I mean that they meet them the day of the first date. my parents are protective so they want to know about the person taking me or my siblings out. I texted him this and he was fine with it. I thought this was going so well. I told my best friend during lunch and she was so excited for me. Carl texted me during lunch and asked me to be his girlfriend. I had zero experience with how these things worked so I agreed. He immediately texted me and told me he loved me. I got scared and asked my best friend for advice and she said that maybe he was just happy I agreed and said it like that and not really like he loved me. I thought this sounded reasonable until he kept doing it. I asked him to stop because it scared me. he didn't. My older sister asked him to stop. he still didn't. So I told my parents. They didn't do much, because what could they do? He was 16, a sophomore. I was 18, a senior. So my mom asked him to stop. he still continued to say he loved me. so I broke up with him at lunch the next day. He stormed off. wouldn't speak to me (not that I was too keen on that either). That night he called me and yelled at me. he said that he thought I was different than other girls. He told me I was just like all the other bitches at that school. This made me so angry! I told him to delete my number or i'd block him. he started pleading with me to not do that or to not make him delete my number. I'm stubborn so I kept pushing him to delete it. he did and that was the first time he respected my wishes. As I got older I had an epiphany. Carl didn't love me, I already knew that, what he loved was the idea of me. I was quiet and shy and maybe he took that as sweet and loving. I think it must have just been immaturity on both of our parts. I hope Carl finds love. I think he needed it and maybe that's why he wouldn't stop telling me he loved me. I don't think Carl is a bad guy. I think he was a kid with a big heart and a very stubborn disposition. I couldn't understand him. he couldn't understand me either. So, has anyone else had this happen or a similar experience?