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About Me

Found 2 results

  1. I feel REALLY bad about myself, which is something I fight every day. I deal with Borderline Personality Disorder and it makes it hard for me to handle the lows that come with my extreme emotions. Because of this, on really low days, my self-esteem can get low enough that I become alright with the idea of misfortune striking me (like I am ambivalent about getting hit by a car, kindapped, etc.) because my self-valuation is so warped, I see it as something I deserve. It is incredibly overwhelming and on better days it makes me really sad that I keep feeling this way about myself. I want better for my life. I desperstely want to like being me again. All that's WITHOUT an outside source of disparagement, so I honestly can't fathom how you get through every day with an onslaught of lies and insults thrown your way pretty much EVERYWHERE you go. Like, I am in awe that you are able to continue forward through it. I truly would like to understand how you do it, so that maybe I can try to heal myself from the hellscape that is my self-image. It's okay if this is too personal of a question, and I'm sorry if it's a weird thing to say, but I felt like if anyone could give advice in regards to rediscovering a love for one's self, it would be you. (I say this because of your recent videos on the realization that you haven't been creating what makes you happy, and the following decision to make what you want to make without worry. I don't want it to come off like I'm trying to insult you or anything and I'm autistic so I can't tell if that's the tone that comes across 😅) Thank you for reading, and stay warm! Washington is cold af today (at least to me).
  2. For the longest time, I struggled to figure out what I believed in. Identifying as Christian, wiccan/pagan, and agnostic. I've very recently been coming to the realization that I have always felt a need to defer myself to a higher power, but I had never thought about why. Why am I letting some mysterious entity that may not even exist run my life? The only person who has control over my life is me, so why not give myself credit and control over my own destiny? Realizing that has been life-shifting. Nothing has necessarily changed, but my perspective on my life has colored everything in a different hue. I can choose what happens in my life, I can make my own decisions, and I can craft my own destiny. It feels amazing to give myself that power, to acknowledge my own role in the direction of my life. Do I want to be happy? Then do what makes me happy. Do I want to feel accepted? Then accept myself. Do I want to feel loved and whole? Then allow myself to cherish every part of me, and let those parts flourish and grow into something beyond what I could have ever dreamed. Deciding for myself feels more fulfilling than trying to appease a mystery ghost ever has. I don't have to submit myself to something I'm not even sure is there. Even if there is something out there, they haven't done enough in my life to earn such reverence from me, so I would much rather revere myself. Some may see that as a bit narcissistic, but I see it more as having the self-esteem to put myself first. I recently got a job as a Game Master at a puzzle escape room, and the only person who did that for me was myself. I have myself and my abilities to thank for it, not some "god" or diety. It feels so good to know my lived experiences and ingenuity were able to get me a job I wanted! When I prayed and begged some kind of higher power to help me, I was stuck going nowhere. I wasn't getting jobs, I wasn't growing, and I wasn't getting better. Getting better started when I took control for myself and gave myself the reigns in my own life. I look forward to taking even more steps towards my future, and I have myself to thank for that. That feels absolutely amazing. So, TL;DR, worship and praise yourself. A diety isn't the one living your life, you are. You deserve credit and respect for that! It isn't a bad thing to love yourself and have respect for your own capability. It doesn't make you selfish to take credit for your own achievements. So take the reigns, take control, and kick life's ass. Love y'all ;-* *boob squeeze*
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