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LizardQueen

Dealing with a upcoming death anniversary of loved one

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April is a hard month for my family/myself  because my father passed away April 19th,2008. So it will be 11 years this month since my father passed away very suddenly. It’s a very empty hallow feeling when you lose something that close to you and it’s something I will never fully get over because it was very traumatic being only 9 at the time. You think that eventually what you feel goes away but it doesn’t really ever go away fully. You are kinda stuck emotionally dealing with it to put it simply because you feel like your not the same person anymore. I do miss my father very much and wish I could hear his voice again. I often get very depressed, moody, negative etc this cluster f●●● ton of emotions because it’s not easy to deal with sometimes. It’s just a sensitive topic I rarely bring up.

So that’s what I’m currently dealing with. I’ll take advice.

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Posted (edited)

Well, I don’t have any advice but I’m in kinda the same boat. My best friend took her life May 1st 2011, and every year since then may has been really hard. I wish I could tell you something to help you feel better. All I can say is that if you feel grief then that’s all you can do is feel it and let it pass, until it comes round again. 

 

good vibes to you  my friend

Edited by Onryouji
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Posted (edited)

I've been through a lot of loss as well. April of last year I lost my little girl half way through my pregnancy, lost  my cousin Kayla her (she was more of a sister to me) birthday is the 29th, my birthday is the 11th, I lost my best friend the same year (2014) as my cousin and me and my twin sister haven't celebrated our birthday together in years.  I visited her this year but most of that visit had to do with me supporting her emotionally. She had just been R●●●d by her "best friends" husband. That "best friend" of course chose to side with her husband.  

 

No good advice from me though. I take joy in the little things daily. I love my son, my partner, where I live. I try to do stuff that makes me happy. I try to not let the little things get me down because life can of course be much worse. So enjoy what you have now.

Edited by misspurdy06
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I am also in the same boat, my father died in July of 2012, also very sudden. My kid was like 6 at the time,  My father had upper respetory failure and died in the ambulence on the way to the hospital. 

The only advice i can give is what I have gotten myself.

Imagine grief as a box with a button against one of the walls, that button is called PAIN and in that box there is a ball that bounces around it. for me, some days the ball is small and bounces from corner to corner, wall to wall and misses that pain button, but some day a special song comes on the radio, or a food is mentioned that my father loved, or just any incident at all of talking about him, the ball gets big and sometimes it gets so big it fills up the box and jams right against the pain button, and then I cry. 

It's OK to cry! Never let anyone tell you its not okay., if you need to cry and get them emotions out, do it, and eventually your ball too will get smaller, but that ball and that memory, never really goes away.  Greifing doesnt have a timeline, just make sure you take care of yourself while you're grieving. 

Speaking from a scientific standpoint here, and I hope this helps you as it has helped me, people are made of energy (We're made of more than that, I know, like skin, bones, organs and all that good stuff) but there is an energy people have, a life force. once a person dies, a few ounces of their body weight disappears,  People call that state to be Heaven, Summerland, Nirvana, Jannah or any other religious terms... my point though is that energy cannot be created or destroyed, as it is always there and the people who love us never really truly leave us. 

I wish I could hug you all who have lost someone, if anyone needs to talk send me a message and Ill try my best to help talk you through it. Sending thoughts and prayers. 

 

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19 hours ago, Onryouji said:

Well, I don’t have any advice but I’m in kinda the same boat. My best friend took her life May 1st 2011, and every year since then may has been really hard. I wish I could tell you something to help you feel better. All I can say is that if you feel grief then that’s all you can do is feel it and let it pass, until it comes round again. 

 

good vibes to you  my friend

Thank you. I appreciate it.

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Posted (edited)
19 hours ago, misspurdy06 said:

I've been through a lot of loss as well. April of last year I lost my little girl half way through my pregnancy, lost  my cousin Kayla her (she was more of a sister to me) birthday is the 29th, my birthday is the 11th, I lost my best friend the same year (2014) as my cousin and me and my twin sister haven't celebrated our birthday together in years.  I visited her this year but most of that visit had to do with me supporting her emotionally. She had just been R●●●d by her "best friends" husband. That "best friend" of course chose to side with her husband.  

 

No good advice from me though. I take joy in the little things daily. I love my son, my partner, where I live. I try to do stuff that makes me happy. I try to not let the little things get me down because life can of course be much worse. So enjoy what you have now.

Well thank you for the support. I appreciate it. So sorry about ur loss.

Edited by LizardQueen
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15 hours ago, Sloppy Mommy said:

I am also in the same boat, my father died in July of 2012, also very sudden. My kid was like 6 at the time,  My father had upper respetory failure and died in the ambulence on the way to the hospital. 

The only advice i can give is what I have gotten myself.

Imagine grief as a box with a button against one of the walls, that button is called PAIN and in that box there is a ball that bounces around it. for me, some days the ball is small and bounces from corner to corner, wall to wall and misses that pain button, but some day a special song comes on the radio, or a food is mentioned that my father loved, or just any incident at all of talking about him, the ball gets big and sometimes it gets so big it fills up the box and jams right against the pain button, and then I cry. 

It's OK to cry! Never let anyone tell you its not okay., if you need to cry and get them emotions out, do it, and eventually your ball too will get smaller, but that ball and that memory, never really goes away.  Greifing doesnt have a timeline, just make sure you take care of yourself while you're grieving. 

Speaking from a scientific standpoint here, and I hope this helps you as it has helped me, people are made of energy (We're made of more than that, I know, like skin, bones, organs and all that good stuff) but there is an energy people have, a life force. once a person dies, a few ounces of their body weight disappears,  People call that state to be Heaven, Summerland, Nirvana, Jannah or any other religious terms... my point though is that energy cannot be created or destroyed, as it is always there and the people who love us never really truly leave us. 

I wish I could hug you all who have lost someone, if anyone needs to talk send me a message and Ill try my best to help talk you through it. Sending thoughts and prayers. 

 

Well thank you so much for your insight and support. I greatly appreciate your kind words.

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I’m so sorry for your loss. It doesn’t really ever get easier. 

Maybe you could make it a traditon to celebrate his life on that day. I know it’s easier said than done, but your dad wouldn’t want you to be sad forever, try to find ways to honor his memory in a positive way, like watching old home movies, looking through old photos, listening to his favorite music. Cry, laugh, whatever helps. 

❤️ 

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25 minutes ago, Mae said:

I’m so sorry for your loss. It doesn’t really ever get easier. 

Maybe you could make it a traditon to celebrate his life on that day. I know it’s easier said than done, but your dad wouldn’t want you to be sad forever, try to find ways to honor his memory in a positive way, like watching old home movies, looking through old photos, listening to his favorite music. Cry, laugh, whatever helps. 

❤️

Thx

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similar boat.  my stepdad who was like  my dad passed away in October 2009, (on my little brothers birthday actually, oct 18) and has been gone for 10 years now.  still have dreams about him.  his was not sudden, he struggled with cancer for almost  10 years where they only gave him 6 months initially.   (he was diagnosed in 2000 and then given about 6 months in 2001.... ended up going through a lot of chemo, surgeries, clinical trials, etc -- he had his colon removed, his bladder removed (so he had double bags- urostomy and colostomy on either side... was hell for him to live with) and part of his spine removed where the tumor had grown into his spine- we werent sure he would walk again but he did)  and just .... trying EVERYTHING stay ahead of it until it finally took him in 2009)   we are lucky for the time we DID get to have with him, i know that, but we all still miss him every day.  he was an amazing, charismatic person who everyone who met him fell in love with.    he also left our family in a financial mess though b/c he was a self employed business owner/home builder and had trouble running his business while sick.  he was being sued by vendors he owed and another asshole who he built a house for who wasnt satisfied with something (i dont know the whole story, all i know was the guy got his house built and made up a bunch of BS (i know its bs because my brothers both worked on his house as well and  remember spending weeks  doing things that he claimed never got done)  and this guy as well still sued and took OUR house that we lived in too.  we are still battling with the after effects of my dads death - my mom pushed off the court cases and kept having them reschedule and appeal until after my dad died because she didnt want him to have to deal with it  on his deathbed and literally within a couple months  of him passing away we lost our home that we lived in (which was hard too since not only did he build that home but  most of our last and best memories of time together was in that house) and we had to move into a half-finished construction site house he got too sick and died before was ever finished (literally we moved in with no kitchen sink (we were doing dishes in the bathtub) , no floors (like just the concrete board stuff they put down under tile), no doors (we hung sheets for privacy, even the bathroom), and  no real plumbing either (my brothers dug a 'temporary' plumbing  line by running the pipe out to a giant 50 gallon plastic drum that we buried in the yard but we had to be careful how much water we used)  it was a mess.  we still live in this house now because we were wiped out and had no money to get out of it and couldnt sell the house and get a new place b/c the house wasnt FINISHED enough to sell.  so we've been living here the past 10 years working on it as we go and as we can afford.  we are finally at the point where the house is ALMOST done and my mom has finally been able to afford to finish a lot of the more expensive things she couldnt afford to do before like all the finishing detail work, installing fireplaces, etc)  so now its like we're still dealing with the repurcussions and after 10 years of getting finally comfortable living here we are going to have to move again because its actually a HUGE house and we cant afford to live here, (just heating a  house this big is like 1000 dollars every couple months in the winter and the taxes are atrocious ...  my stepdad used to build like mansions lol.  yea, its cool living in a mansion, but not when its a half finished mansion and you cant afford to  live here anyway) 

Coming up next month too is just as equally important losing my  dog of 10 yrs who was like my child.  He was hit by a car 2 years ago on Memorial Day (was hit by a car literally at my fams memorial day BBQ... we had to leave the party and rush him to emergency vet but they couldnt save him.) 

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I connent deeply with areas where my love ones used to live and going places they used to enjoy, ordering thier favorite foods, things like that

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3 minutes ago, Nat said:

I connent deeply with areas where my love ones used to live and going places they used to enjoy, ordering thier favorite foods, things like that

Same. I spent a lot of time at a park bench my friend used to go to a lot, and it brought me some peace even temporarily. Sometimes it made me sad first but I’ve found that just experiencing the grief and letting it wash over me helps me feel better in the end, as opposed to pushing it down and trying to avoid it. 

 

 

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2 hours ago, Nat said:

I connent deeply with areas where my love ones used to live and going places they used to enjoy, ordering thier favorite foods, things like that

That’s a good idea. Thank you. 

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it was 4years since my childhood friend died from cancer this month but I know he is in a better place now

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On 4/14/2019 at 5:19 AM, Valentin said:

it was 4years since my childhood friend died from cancer this month but I know he is in a better place now

Sorry for ur loss 

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4 hours ago, LizardQueen said:

Sorry for ur loss 

he is in my mind often but the loss gets better with time! my grandmas little brother who was like a father to me died 3years ago and I miss him everyday and cry like 10000times a day... I think about him 24/7 and want to hug him...

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1 hour ago, Valentin said:

he is in my mind often but the loss gets better with time! my grandmas little brother who was like a father to me died 3years ago and I miss him everyday and cry like 10000times a day... I think about him 24/7 and want to hug him...

aww I’m sorry 

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