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I feel REALLY bad about myself, which is something I fight every day.

I deal with Borderline Personality Disorder and it makes it hard for me to handle the lows that come with my extreme emotions.

Because of this, on really low days, my self-esteem can get low enough that I become alright with the idea of misfortune striking me (like I am ambivalent about getting hit by a car, kindapped, etc.) because my self-valuation is so warped, I see it as something I deserve. It is incredibly overwhelming and on better days it makes me really sad that I keep feeling this way about myself. I want better for my life. I desperstely want to like being me again.

All that's WITHOUT an outside source of disparagement, so I honestly can't fathom how you get through every day with an onslaught of lies and insults thrown your way pretty much EVERYWHERE you go. Like, I am in awe that you are able to continue forward through it. I truly would like to understand how you do it, so that maybe I can try to heal myself from the hellscape that is my self-image.

It's okay if this is too personal of a question, and I'm sorry if it's a weird thing to say, but I felt like if anyone could give advice in regards to rediscovering a love for one's self, it would be you.

(I say this because of your recent videos on the realization that you haven't been creating what makes you happy, and the following decision to make what you want to make without worry. I don't want it to come off like I'm trying to insult you or anything and I'm autistic so I can't tell if that's the tone that comes across 😅)

Thank you for reading, and stay warm! Washington is cold af today (at least to me).

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2 hours ago, Onision said:

Most everyone feels bad about themselves. I hope things get better for you.

Not actually far off.  Most  people without long-term goals find themselves in a spiral where nothing they do seems to matter.  This leads to such low self-evaluations.  For both you, I'd suggest making videos of what you really want and make them to your own satisfaction and pleasure.  This will help you find peace and meaning within yourself.  For Felix, find something larger than yourself and work towards it.  Especially if your position within it has a noticeable impact, you will gain the satisfaction that you need.  It really will help.

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