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AmazingDiana

Dealing with death

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My mother passed away in July... And I don't think I'll ever get over it. I helped her until her dying breathe. She had heart failure from an extended eating disorder( basically eugina Cooney) 

I'm exhausted mentally and physically. 

Not sure if anyone understands how I'm feeling. But I'm having a hard time lately, her birthday just passed by. 

I just wish I had someone to lean on sometimes. 

Losing a parent is not fun. 

What can I do to cope.

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First off, I just wanna say I'm sorry of what happened to you...I can't imagine how that feels like...and I kinda feel bad for the way I met you here on these forums saying things like how I love my mom too but started off on a misunderstanding with my grammatical errors saying as if she has already passed but corrected myself later clarifying she is alive. I tend to overlook and not be careful in my writing for I am a poor English writer when it comes to a first language all my life and I just wanna apologize for that right quick as well.

 

i think you should try to keep other family members in your heart or something if you want to if you are close to them that is.  Take your time to grieve...it really is okay.  Are you religious Diana?  You could find peace and comfort Ina religion you may follow.  Y'know, you should really solidify another love in your life where it's family, a significant other, or best friend for sometimes love is enough.  I personally in which people call it 'fake it to make it' as you may have heard- I happen to say things over and over again saying a sentence that has to do with my first crush in eighth grade but I won't go into details of what I exactly say under my breath over and over again because i feel private about it.  Of course you don't have to do that but I'm just saying you can do something to go on with things with someone or something close to your heart in mind if it works for you just to keep you going.  Otherwise, I'm not sure what else to say for now...I'm sorry for your loss and I hope eventually you'll see peace and comfort ability with what you're going through.  Good night.  Sorry we had to meet like this.  I'm here if you want to talk about it.

Edited by Drifter Kane
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the love of my life killed himself in november 2012

that night he called me at 3 am but i wanted to sleep so i didnt pick up

the next day his friend called me telling me that he died but he wrote me all his books in his will

i suffered insomnia for 2 years now 

i also suffered depression 

i befriended his friends cause to me they were the only thing left of him

and they introduced me to drugs 

i suffered pregablain addiction but i've been clean for 3 months now gladly

i still visit his grave weekly and i cut ties with the addicts that ruined my life

its been haunting me that i didnt pick up and i wake up t 3 am everyday even tho i take sleeping pills 

i really miss him...

45444668_1940575939364314_2010377129291677696_n.jpg

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11 minutes ago, danii said:

the love of my life killed himself in november 2012

that night he called me at 3 am but i wanted to sleep so i didnt pick up

the next day his friend called me telling me that he died but he wrote me all his books in his will

i suffered insomnia for 2 years now 

i also suffered depression 

i befriended his friends cause to me they were the only thing left of him

and they introduced me to drugs 

i suffered pregablain addiction but i've been clean for 3 months now gladly

i still visit his grave weekly and i cut ties with the addicts that ruined my life

its been haunting me that i didnt pick up and i wake up t 3 am everyday even tho i take sleeping pills 

i really miss him...

45444668_1940575939364314_2010377129291677696_n.jpg

Sorry danii.  I don't know what a significant other is like but I'm sure it's really something...I'm sure he loved you very much.  I hope you also come to find peace with yourself in that matter.  Try to remember though that as long as there's life, there's hope, and as long as there's hope, there is support...just find the right support and I'm sure you know to treasure it.  I hope you now have a good conviction of the heart and have your path clear in front of you.

Edited by Drifter Kane
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3 hours ago, Drifter Kane said:

First off, I just wanna say I'm sorry of what happened to you...I can't imagine how that feels like...and I kinda feel bad for the way I met you here on these forums saying things like how I love my mom too but started off on a misunderstanding with my grammatical errors saying as if she has already passed but corrected myself later clarifying she is alive. I tend to overlook and not be careful in my writing for I am a poor English writer when it comes to a first language all my life and I just wanna apologize for that right quick as well.

 

i think you should try to keep other family members in your heart or something if you want to if you are close to them that is.  Take your time to grieve...it really is okay.  Are you religious Diana?  You could find peace and comfort Ina religion you may follow.  Y'know, you should really solidify another love in your life where it's family, a significant other, or best friend for sometimes love is enough.  I personally in which people call it 'fake it to make it' as you may have heard- I happen to say things over and over again saying a sentence that has to do with my first crush in eighth grade but I won't go into details of what I exactly say under my breath over and over again because i feel private about it.  Of course you don't have to do that but I'm just saying you can do something to go on with things with someone or something close to your heart in mind if it works for you just to keep you going.  Otherwise, I'm not sure what else to say for now...I'm sorry for your loss and I hope eventually you'll see peace and comfort ability with what you're going through.  Good night.  Sorry we had to meet like this.  I'm here if you want to talk about it.

I wish I had family. I have a sister but she seemed to move on from our mother passing seconds after it happened. She wouldn't help me plan the funeral, clean out her house, or even plan holidays together.

I guess she didn't watch her die like me. I'm the oldest I took care of her until she got to the hospital... And then I basically lived at the hospital.... Or maybe this is my sister's way to coping. 

All I have is my son, who doesn't understand death or why his Nana isn't around anymore. He is 2. So I'm pretty much smiling.... Distracting myself with taking care of my son. 

 

But I'm horribly... Terribly... Depressed. My mom and best friend died a few hours after I allowed her to go home from the hospital. It's like as soon as she got comfortable at home she died. 

 

I have alot of regrets. 

Edited by AmazingDiana
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You never really get over it..but it does get easier little by little. I still have my moments were I cry for her. She passed 11/11/1994 . I don't know if you believe in spirits but I do and believe family members watch over you and stay around you. If you talk out loud ( in the privacy of your on space) she'll hear you. I'm sorry for your loss..I personally in the last years lost my nephew to"suicide" which turns out he may have been murdered. My husbands Grandmother, uncle and a couple of dear friends. There is grief counseling if you need it.

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Losing a loved one is probably the hardest situation anyone will ever go through in life and from my experience, it takes a peice of you with them. Grief is a multiple set of emotions and people experience/express their grief differently. I personally lost my father to suicide back in 2008 and that broke my heart. But it does get better with time and if you have support from loved ones, sometimes talking to other family members helps. Doing something in your mom’s memory is also good. But from my experience, I just keep my loved ones and the memories in my heart so they are always with me. Some days are easy and some are hard but it slowly becomes easier to handle the bad days when you recognize those feelings. Also there’s no limit on how long you can grieve and if it still affects you emotionally, it’s okay feel that way because it’s normal. 

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My mom passed away a long time ago do to an overdose of drugs. It’s obvious that it doesn’t hurt as much in these days but sometimes i just wish i had a mom. Maybe most of the bad things that happened to me would have been stopped with a little interference of sorts from her, may it be tough love or just love... it hurts in christmas and birthdays.. 

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3 hours ago, Sipystroki said:

My mom passed away a long time ago do to an overdose of drugs. It’s obvious that it doesn’t hurt as much in these days but sometimes i just wish i had a mom. Maybe most of the bad things that happened to me would have been stopped with a little interference of sorts from her, may it be tough love or just love... it hurts in christmas and birthdays.. 

Just know there is always someone to turn to.  If you don't have anyone, you have us to understand.

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3 hours ago, Sipystroki said:

My mom passed away a long time ago do to an overdose of drugs. It’s obvious that it doesn’t hurt as much in these days but sometimes i just wish i had a mom. Maybe most of the bad things that happened to me would have been stopped with a little interference of sorts from her, may it be tough love or just love... it hurts in christmas and birthdays.. 

This first year has been torture. Holidays were something me and my mom cherished. We planned decorations,gifts,etc etc. So this year i did all of that with my step dad and son. So our traditions still happened. 

 

 

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I am so sorry to anyone in this thread who has lost someone, it is heartbreaking, I hope you all are OK and stay strong. hugs and kisses x x x

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My mom passed away due to cancer in 2017 just a week or so before Thanksgiving, it hit me hard because I kept telling myself that she would get better and that she would be able to beat it, to me she was and still is one of the strongest people that I have ever known. Her passing away caused me to mentally shut down and I just put up a mask to pretend that everything was fine, I still find myself doing that even today, it still hurts but at the same time I at least know that she is in a better place now and not in pain anymore.

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13 hours ago, danii said:

the love of my life killed himself in november 2012

that night he called me at 3 am but i wanted to sleep so i didnt pick up

the next day his friend called me telling me that he died but he wrote me all his books in his will

i suffered insomnia for 2 years now 

i also suffered depression 

i befriended his friends cause to me they were the only thing left of him

and they introduced me to drugs 

i suffered pregablain addiction but i've been clean for 3 months now gladly

i still visit his grave weekly and i cut ties with the addicts that ruined my life

its been haunting me that i didnt pick up and i wake up t 3 am everyday even tho i take sleeping pills 

i really miss him...

45444668_1940575939364314_2010377129291677696_n.jpg

I’m so sorry you have to carry that pain. 

My experience is a bit different, but maybe something from my journey as a suicide survivor can help. 

 

Shortly after Iturned 21 my best friend called me late at night. She had moved to another state with her girlfriend. I was about to go out to dinner with my parter at the time, but I rarely heard from her so I answered. She was sobbing and in hysterics. She had gotten drunk at a festival and ended up cheating on her girlfriend with a male friend of theirs. Her girlfriend caught her and was understandably very upset, and left the house, but promised she would be back and that she still loved her and that they would work it out. I spent a half hour on the phone reassuring her and by the end of the call she was laughing and seemed to be back to her normal self. Eventually we ended the call and I went to my dinner. 

 

The next morning I was awoken by text messages asking what had happened to her. I was confused and went on Facebook to see what they were talking about. I saw a few posts that said R.I.P Anna, but I believed it to be a joke. She was known for dark jokes and being kind of shocking. I tried to call her but got her voicemail and started panicking. Fast forward a few blurry hours and I’ve learned she commited suicide. I was in shock for days, and basically completely shut down. Once I started to come back to myself, I started piecing together the timeline of when she was found and realized it was only a half hour after we got off the phone. Apparently her girlfriend had found her right as she crossed the line between “savable” and “too late”. I was devestated. I thought I had failed my friend. I spent years blaming myself and being angry that I hadn’t just stayed on the phone for ten more minutes. Her girlfriend blamed herself too, and fell back into her addiction that she had recently overcome. I became extremely withdrawn, and unable to form close friendships with others. 

 

This is was almost 9 years ago, and while I still struggle with the self blame from time to time, and I still have a mental block when it comes to being close with people, I can 100% say that I have come so far from where I was after it happened. I loved her like a sister, and her loss nearly destroyed me. I made my one and only suicide attempt a month after her death. 

 

Losing someone one in that way can leave scars that you might not even notice for years, but they do heal, and it does get easier. I miss her every day, but I’ve also learned to go on and heal from the void she left in my life. 

 

Sorry this is so lengthy, I tried to keep it brief. Just remember that it’s ok to hurt and it’s ok to still feel the pain, but that you will heal one day. Stay strong. 

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15 hours ago, AmazingDiana said:

I wish I had family. I have a sister but she seemed to move on from our mother passing seconds after it happened. She wouldn't help me plan the funeral, clean out her house, or even plan holidays together.

I guess she didn't watch her die like me. I'm the oldest I took care of her until she got to the hospital... And then I basically lived at the hospital.... Or maybe this is my sister's way to coping. 

All I have is my son, who doesn't understand death or why his Nana isn't around anymore. He is 2. So I'm pretty much smiling.... Distracting myself with taking care of my son. 

 

But I'm horribly... Terribly... Depressed. My mom and best friend died a few hours after I allowed her to go home from the hospital. It's like as soon as she got comfortable at home she died. 

 

I have alot of regrets. 

Yeah...you have taught me an important lesson to love my mom and treasure her.  Trying to live without regrets is important.  I just think your son wants you to do good for him which I think you will. I hope your sister is someone you can hold onto when she feels well enough to talk to you again I hope.  Feel well and try to find your times of healing.  Find a place of sanctuary you are familiar with that is beautiful to you and calming and just reflect...do what you need to do.

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My mother passed away when I was 13, and the last conversation we had was a fight. I told her that I hated her because she grounded me for a really bad thing I had done. The next day at 3 a.m. my dad was carrying my mom out to the living room. She was mumbling and talking nonsense. We had to call an ambulance. I thought she would be fine because my mom was in and out of the hospital alot. Around 6 a.m. my aunt and uncle picked my brother and myself up to go away because they thought the same thing. We played with legos at my grandma's house (my mom's side of the family). I wanted to make my mom a little hearty make up for the fight, but she never would get to see it. My dad came back around noon crying and I never saw my dad cry, let alone sobbing. He said mom was dead. I curled up in my grandpa's lap and cried for hours straight... but that was the only time I let my family see me cry about her, because after that, my dad wouldn't talk to me much because I looked just like her and I had to stay strong for him.

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24 minutes ago, Bunny Queen said:

My mother passed away when I was 13, and the last conversation we had was a fight. I told her that I hated her because she grounded me for a really bad thing I had done. The next day at 3 a.m. my dad was carrying my mom out to the living room. She was mumbling and talking nonsense. We had to call an ambulance. I thought she would be fine because my mom was in and out of the hospital alot. Around 6 a.m. my aunt and uncle picked my brother and myself up to go away because they thought the same thing. We played with legos at my grandma's house (my mom's side of the family). I wanted to make my mom a little hearty make up for the fight, but she never would get to see it. My dad came back around noon crying and I never saw my dad cry, let alone sobbing. He said mom was dead. I curled up in my grandpa's lap and cried for hours straight... but that was the only time I let my family see me cry about her, because after that, my dad wouldn't talk to me much because I looked just like her and I had to stay strong for him.

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The last conversation I had with my mom was telling her she needed to go back to the hospital. She begged me and cried saying she didn't wanna die in the hospital. She then died at home 2 hours later.... I always regret whether I should have called and had her taken back. Or if I would have been the reason she died in the hospital... I don't know. 

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On 2/3/2019 at 2:03 AM, AmazingDiana said:

My mother passed away in July... And I don't think I'll ever get over it. I helped her until her dying breathe. She had heart failure from an extended eating disorder( basically eugina Cooney) 

I'm exhausted mentally and physically. 

Not sure if anyone understands how I'm feeling. But I'm having a hard time lately, her birthday just passed by. 

I just wish I had someone to lean on sometimes. 

Losing a parent is not fun. 

What can I do to cope.

Hi, my stepfather (he was essentially like my father since my biological father kind of sucks and my stepfather raised me-- we had a really good father-daughter relationship and he treated me like his own and made me know i was loved as his own)  died after a looooong battle with cancer in 2009.  (literally 13 years of him struggling when he was inititally given 6 months - going from radiation to chemo, to surgeries to being told there was nothing else  they could do and waiting to die for a few months before getting into clinical trials and just doing that over and over again for years while our family struggled to keep hope up )  me and my mom were his primary caregivers for those years- i did a lot of his hospice care in his last days, and essentially watched him die a slow death too-- even though its not something he did to himself, there were times that he didnt take care of himself the way he should in his condition and it was a similar struggle just watching him die and feeling helpless so i totally understand.  
i dont want to talk about it too much right now (there is so much more i could say) but i had a nightmare about him just this morning and ive been trying all day to kind of forget about it and get myself back to feeling normal.  when i'm in a better frame of mind i wouldnt mind being a person of support since i know what you're going through.  i have nightmares even 10 years later from time to time but the over-all daily grief DOES get better in time  as you start learning to adapt to a life without that person in it.  thats the hardest part sometimes is just expecting that person to be there especially for important moments like holidays, birthdays, big life milestones, etc.  
i hope, for tonight, that you can get through it.  i had a rough day of memories too and ive just been trying to distract myself from it - for me sometimes thats the only thing i CAN do is just try NOT to think about it.... and try not to feel like that means youre not honoring that persons memory.  you honor their memory by living a life that is happy and functional.  so do what you need to do to distract from it until the pain is tolerable.  you can look deeper into it when you're having a better day.  for now, do something you love doing-- read a good book, play with a pet, spend time with other family or friends, watch some youtube videos or i usually turn to comedy (standup or funny movies, shows, etc.)  something kind of mindless and repetitive  like knitting, etc.  

Edited by AnnaSantina
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17 hours ago, alexsis.dimarzio@yahoo.com said:

Sending love and light, good vibes to everybody that lost someone dear to them, my condolences. ❤️🙏

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Thank you Hun ❤️

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On 2/3/2019 at 2:03 AM, AmazingDiana said:

My mother passed away in July... And I don't think I'll ever get over it. I helped her until her dying breathe. She had heart failure from an extended eating disorder( basically eugina Cooney) 

I'm exhausted mentally and physically. 

Not sure if anyone understands how I'm feeling. But I'm having a hard time lately, her birthday just passed by. 

I just wish I had someone to lean on sometimes. 

Losing a parent is not fun. 

What can I do to cope.

I couldn't imagine your loss personally, I am SO sorry. I can say that my mother lost hers while I was just 1, and her father when I was 8 - I'm only 26 now. She still remembers every birthday and sadly passing day. She even once had a therapist tell her she SHOULDN'T dwell on that stuff, but honestly as someone growing up around loss I didn't fully understand, the best thing you CAN do is remember whatever you can, do a little something in her honor even if it's simply drink the tea she liked, watch a movie she liked, looked through old pictures...sometimes coping IS grief. Don't be afraid to grieve. There is no time limit, you're allowed to do that for as long as you feel it. And as far as someone to lean on? I think you have a few of us here. ❤️

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sorry for your loss... I have never had a relationship with my parents but my grandfather died soon 7years ago and he was my everything I miss him everyday I can't wait to see him again in the after life

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