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Rolyat

My partner came out as trans

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Hi guys..

 

i really don’t know how to approach this. At all. I guess I’ll start at the beginning..

im a 17 year old bi girl and ive been with my girlfriend (18) for the past 2 or so years. we’ve known each other since about middle school? shes a blessing, shes my rock and shes helped me through the roughest patches of my life.. 

a few weeks ago she came out as trans ftm to me. he cried the whole time and i just..i didnt know what to do, and i tried to comfort him and everything. he asked me if i would leave him and i said no ..

yesterday he brought up the idea of hormone therapy and surgery, and when he did i just..froze. he noticed i was out of it and i told him i had to go home.. hes been texting me since then but i just dont know how to respond. I feel awful but my heart knows this is wrong

 

i love her (him?) so much but i cant go on like this. i dont know how to break it to him that i cant be into him any longer and that as harsh as it sounds, theres no future i can have with him.. 

i just don’t wanna date trans people and i feel so horrible and wrong about it and i wish i could change my mind, ive tried so hard

please help

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On 2/14/2019 at 8:15 PM, Rolyat said:

Hi guys..

 

i really don’t know how to approach this. At all. I guess I’ll start at the beginning..

im a 17 year old bi girl and ive been with my girlfriend (18) for the past 2 or so years. we’ve known each other since about middle school? shes a blessing, shes my rock and shes helped me through the roughest patches of my life.. 

a few weeks ago she came out as trans ftm to me. he cried the whole time and i just..i didnt know what to do, and i tried to comfort him and everything. he asked me if i would leave him and i said no ..

yesterday he brought up the idea of hormone therapy and surgery, and when he did i just..froze. he noticed i was out of it and i told him i had to go home.. hes been texting me since then but i just dont know how to respond. I feel awful but my heart knows this is wrong

 

i love her (him?) so much but i cant go on like this. i dont know how to break it to him that i cant be into him any longer and that as harsh as it sounds, theres no future i can have with him.. 

i just don’t wanna date trans people and i feel so horrible and wrong about it and i wish i could change my mind, ive tried so hard

please help

If you love him and you've lasted 2 YEARS and he's been such a blessing for you, you should support him, like he has supported you. You are in love with him. So why bteak up if he hasn't done anything wrong? You are attracted to both sexes. If you think he's attractive as a girl, trust me, he will be attractive as a boy. You were in love with his boy brain all along, now you just know it. I'm sure it was hard for him to come out and he needs and expects your support. If you're in love with him and are attracted to both sexes, there should be no issue. Why can't it work?

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You seem like you’ve made up your mind already so, in my opinion, I think you should break up with him. Nobody deserves to be in a relationship that isn’t mutual. As far as it being right or wrong (or transphobic) to be feeling this way, I don’t really know what to tell you. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. But if at the end of the day you don’t want to be with him anymore, let him go.

I think if he means that much to you, you should still be there for him as a friend throughout his transition, if he still wants you to be. 

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I think you're fine.

Not everyone is pansexual.

It's possible that you're not bi either, it sounds like it's possible that you're strictly into girls and since your partner won't be a girl anymore, then that's that.

Don't feel guilty.

You can still be supportive as a friend, like @Mae said.

Edited by Cloudy
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Love has no gender to me. I've dated a ftm trans person. I am not into women. But I learned that it didn't matter because I loved that person. 

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It sounds like you're a bit shocked about it. I think you should think about how much this person means to you, and really think about if you really don't want to be with them anymore.

Like maybe you just need time to process, but this person isn't really different at all. My brother is transitioning ftm, his looks might have changed but he's still the same person as he always has been. If you break up with him because he is trans, it's going to be very upsetting to this person. Even if you are justified because maybe you're strictly a lesbian or something, their feelings would also be valid that they were rejected for trying to be who they are, and the beginning of the transition is very vital for trans people at that period to have a support network to help them. It's an insecure and awkward time at the start.

I think you should consider trying to stay in the relationship for their sake, it might very well be that it's just hard for you to process your emotions about it at this time. Or at least try not to abandon them completely.

Personally, I would love to date a transman if I had the chance. I've seen so many who are very beautiful people.

Edited by Zaphlox
Fixing a sentence

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Take some time to process it and see what changes. Does the attraction go away if they transition? That's really what's going to determine things. Either way it's going to be heartbreaking for both of you two if you break up 😞 

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If you're bi then who cares?  Their personality remains and you like both s●●es physically anyway

If you're a lesbian, yeah I understand you'll lose attraction when they transition into the s●● you're not into/repulsed by

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Don't feel bad about having a preference. Your partner has lied to you and that is what is important. Leave this guy/girl if you can because if they can hide something like that they can hide anything from you. 

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