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I feel like people who are friends with their ex's are problematic... and this is why.

1. Great, you broke up on good terms. Good for you.

2. You get a new girlfriend/boyfriend.

3. "Hey, honey, mind if I hang out with my ex who is my friend?"

4. Oh weird, my ex bf/gf is actively f****ing me, weird.

5. Sorry honey!

I speak from personal experience. People say "There is nothing to worry about, we're just friends." then they mindlessly breed because they are puppets like everyone else to the high demand of human reproduction.

Long story short, don't hang out with your ex's if you're in a relationship. "You're not supposed to be friends with your dinner." translation: If you are romantically involved with someone, there will always be that connection, that gateway to something more. And friendship becomes a joke, as everyone knows you are more than friends.

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if you have a child with your ex you need to be (maybe not friends) civil with your ex.... 

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My ex and I are on good terms because I personally believe forgiveness is a crucial part of moving on from a relationship. 

1 hour ago, Onision said:

I feel like people who are friends with their ex's are problematic... and this is why.

1. Great, you broke up on good terms. Good for you.

2. You get a new girlfriend/boyfriend.

3. "Hey, honey, mind if I hang out with my ex who is my friend?"

4. Oh weird, my ex bf/gf is actively f****ing me, weird.

5. Sorry honey!

I speak from personal experience. People say "There is nothing to worry about, we're just friends." then they mindlessly breed because they are puppets like everyone else to the high demand of human reproduction.

Long story short, don't hang out with your ex's if you're in a relationship. "You're not supposed to be friends with your dinner." translation: If you are romantically involved with someone, there will always be that connection, that gateway to something more. And friendship becomes a joke, as everyone knows you are more than friends.

I’m sorry but I’d have to strongly disagree with that. It’s completely possibly to be friends with an ex without there still being a connection.  Saying “everyone knows you’re more than friends” is merely an assumption based on your personal experience, which doesn’t make it the case for everyone. 

As for the mindlessly breeding I’m not sure where you’re going with that. 

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I'm friends with almost all my ex's. One is my best friend, one I hang out with every once in a while, and the others we chat every once in a while. Some of them are in relationships and others aren't. I was always told I was a better friend than anything. 

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11 hours ago, Onision said:

I feel like people who are friends with their ex's are problematic... and this is why.

1. Great, you broke up on good terms. Good for you.

2. You get a new girlfriend/boyfriend.

3. "Hey, honey, mind if I hang out with my ex who is my friend?"

4. Oh weird, my ex bf/gf is actively f****ing me, weird.

5. Sorry honey!

I speak from personal experience. People say "There is nothing to worry about, we're just friends." then they mindlessly breed because they are puppets like everyone else to the high demand of human reproduction.

Long story short, don't hang out with your ex's if you're in a relationship. "You're not supposed to be friends with your dinner." translation: If you are romantically involved with someone, there will always be that connection, that gateway to something more. And friendship becomes a joke, as everyone knows you are more than friends.

I think there has to be a berth of time before trying to be friends with an ex, more or less time depending on how deep the relationship actually was, and then thereh as to be boundries and there has to be trust in the current relationship. 

Then loyalty comes into play, see my ex owes no loyalties at all to my current relationship, i however do owe that current relationship the loyalty it deserves. If  i was partnered already, I would see no reason to hang out with my ex without my current around.  

Always put the feelings and thoughts of your significant other first.

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11 hours ago, Onision said:

I feel like people who are friends with their ex's are problematic... and this is why.

1. Great, you broke up on good terms. Good for you.

2. You get a new girlfriend/boyfriend.

3. "Hey, honey, mind if I hang out with my ex who is my friend?"

4. Oh weird, my ex bf/gf is actively f****ing me, weird.

5. Sorry honey!

I speak from personal experience. People say "There is nothing to worry about, we're just friends." then they mindlessly breed because they are puppets like everyone else to the high demand of human reproduction.

Long story short, don't hang out with your ex's if you're in a relationship. "You're not supposed to be friends with your dinner." translation: If you are romantically involved with someone, there will always be that connection, that gateway to something more. And friendship becomes a joke, as everyone knows you are more than friends.

What if you don't mind if your boyfriend had multiple partners including his ex's. I could see if the relationship before ended so badly there could be no forgiveness. But if you aren't upset with your boyfriend having multiple partners or lovers. I would think it depends on the Dynamics on how you want your relationship to go on. For me, I guess because of my previous life experiences I don't mind if my boyfriend has lovers. But I wouldn't have more than 1. 

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I think I'm friends with like one ex, and we have an at arm's length friendship. So more like friendly acquaintances. Otherwise Im not friends with any exes

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Posted (edited)

I'm still friends with my ex because turns out he is gay. He was struggling to accept his s●●uality and I'm glad he is comfortable with himself now. We never did more than hold hands in our relationship so it wasn't awkward going back to being friends.

Edited by vertighostx

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I'm friends with one ex, we ended things on a good note. But since the two of us are in committed relationships with other people, our partners aren't worried. Plus, we figured that we work better as friends rather than being in a romantic relationship. I'm comfortable and secure enough in myself and my relationship to not ruin it or put unnecessary stress on myself or my partner and he respects that and is fine with me still being friends with one of my exes.

I mean, it's not far-fetched to not want to s●● with your exes after you've broken up with them, though. Most of my friends similarly either don't talk to their exes or have remained friends with them with no indication of wanting to 1) get back together with them or 2) have s●● with them after they've already broken up.

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A few of you are asking for issues... that is assuming your ex's actually had full blown relationships.

 

Never met a 40+ year old who hung out with any ex. Ever.

Maybe y'all will outgrow it.

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I agree. IMO, I feel like its disrespectful for your current significant other. It's like, "I shared intimate moments with this person but I'm gonna keep them in my back pocket for a rainy day." 

Unless, you do have kids together, I understand that ordeal but no more than just standard concerned conversations for you children.

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I have exes I'm friendly with, but wouldn't consider friends. We broke up because we were incompatible but I still respect them as people. 

Onision - weren't you friends with Skye for a while after the divorce? Don't mean to pry, but I think most who are justifying having their ex as a friend is likely going through what you went through with her

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Posted (edited)
6 hours ago, Onision said:

A few of you are asking for issues... that is assuming your ex's actually had full blown relationships.

 

Never met a 40+ year old who hung out with any ex. Ever.

Maybe y'all will outgrow it.

I know plenty of grown adults who are friends with their exes because they’ve grown past those feelings and are mature enough to think of them as just a friend and not just as a s●●ual or romantic partner. If someone is still thinking about having s●● with an ex they’re clearly not over them. That’s the real issue.

Again this is just your personal experience and not the case for everyone. But it’s an interesting discussion 🙂 

Edited by Mae
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7 hours ago, Onision said:

A few of you are asking for issues... that is assuming your ex's actually had full blown relationships.

 

Never met a 40+ year old who hung out with any ex. Ever.

Maybe y'all will outgrow it.

okay so few of us are asking for trouble maybe, maybe not. I don't know very many 40 plus year olds (with ex's)?  but like my grandmother. She had a relationship with her ex because she also had a child by one. I guess there are other reasons to maintain at least a friendly relationship other than polygamy or an open arrangement. some people actually can be Friends without benefits, Platonic or just social. Like the key to any relationship weather it's an Ex or a new Love is good Communication. People have to Communicate about thier ideas of what makes them happy in any relationship. 

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i have a rule once you legitimately break up with someone to not go through romantically again with them, history tends to repeat. i believe friendship afterwards could be casual, they separated for a reason.. why try to put blame on the outside people/person when they aren’t in the relationship? if said person chooses to have casual intimacy especially while in a relationship that’s on them if they wanna run around🤮 you shouldn’t have to guard them from certain people because they can’t have control. worrying about if they are sneaking around with anyone is unhealthy but if they do then buh bye let them be why you here lol

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My brothers entire highschool friend circle all dated eachother at one point.... like its one big group of incest and they are all still friends... Most of them married to other people now and invited to eachothers wedding and stuff too.   Like my brother for instance i guess dated my sister in laws (his wifes)  best friend sara for a little while and sister-in-law is still best friends with her, AND friends with my brother as well obv since they all go out together and she stayed at their house during their wedding week while in town she was invited to their wedding.  the best man (sean)  had on and off dated the other groomsmans wife (noelle) for years who was also a bridemaid ... and yea, many more intermingling relationships among the group of friends and they're all still friends with eachother lol.  I dont know how they all do it but there's never really any drama amongst them that i've seen.    
it IS weird though lol 

to be fair i dont think any like now-a-days relationship would work that way now that their older... like my sister in law has an issue with my brother still being sort of friendly with his most recent  ex maya from when he was in college even though he doesnt even talk anymore really... she was a friend of the family though and so we still just get letters from her and she comes up in conversation and she makes a face lol.  My brother doesnt talk to her much out of respect to his wife but they are still 'friends' and friendly if/when they do.  
i think its the age and how serious the relationship and whether or not you're in ANOTHEr serious relationship that kind of determines a lot of that.  like its not a huge deal with t he highschool relationships, even if they were long term, because... they were all just kids.  but once you start getting into college aged and stuff, its more serious and issues arise. 

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I'm friends with only one of my exes, we dated for a bit until we realized that there was just no spark and we were just really good friends without the passion and romance. So we went from that to being friends, after a short time to take a break because we both thought this was going to be just what we needed and were disappointed to realize it wasn't the way we thought it was. On paper we would've been great, but it just didn't work out that way. 

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My gut reaction is to disagree here, because I’ve never tried to stay friends with the intent to keep a route to romance with anyone open. HOWEVER, given the fact that every time I have tried to stay friends feelings ended up being brought back or advances were made, I have to kind of agree. I think it’s POSSIBLE, but for them most part unlikely to be able to stay platonic with an ex, like 100% platonic on both sides. 

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Rather leave my ex significant others behind in the past where they belong because they are just a chapter I already finished. There’s no need to contact them anymore nor do I have desire to. It’s better not to complicate things with having ur ex around if u have a current relationship Bc it’s so unnecessary. It’s prolonging more pain in my opinion. 

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19 hours ago, Onision said:

A few of you are asking for issues... that is assuming your ex's actually had full blown relationships.

 

Never met a 40+ year old who hung out with any ex. Ever.

Maybe y'all will outgrow it.

I feel like you're maybe blanketing your feelings about what has happened to you on others who happen to be friends with their ex. I know other adults who are older (over 40) who are friends with an ex or two with no issues. It may not be common, but it's a thing that happens.

Everyone has their own experiences with their exes and those experiences are different for everyone. Sometimes, you just will not get along with any of your exes and that's alright.

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21 hours ago, Onision said:

A few of you are asking for issues... that is assuming your ex's actually had full blown relationships.

 

Never met a 40+ year old who hung out with any ex. Ever.

Maybe y'all will outgrow it.

I'm only 36  😛 Stop trying to make me older lol 

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I fully give no fcks about any of my ex's.  I dont try to be friends with them because they were a past life. I've moved on, they've probably moved on. Move forward not backward. 

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I kinda agree with Greg on this one only because of experience. I mean my ex was my best friend. for years. I was committed then was no longer so and now me and that best friend ex...MARRIED....I mean im happy but all im saying is he ain't gonna hang out with his ex's and I'm not hanging out with any of mine...leave ex's in the past even in arguments.

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