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Chapter 9: Threesomes, Foursomes & Fist Fights

Updated: Jul 13, 2022

A few people have been letting me know what they think of this book as the story unfolds. One of the most common things people have said to me is that they are surprised and refreshed by the reality that I am so open with the painful details of my life. For a long time, and to this day, I have been ridiculed for saying "I am one of the most honest" social media influencers (not really an influencer anymore in my opinion). I am ridiculed by people, who would not know the truth if it slapped them upside the head. People do to me what many have done to you and others, they act like they know your life better than you do, and blatantly omit facts that don't fall in line with the preexisting narrative they have of you for the sake of personal gain.


There is a profound reason why my stories of my life remain as consistent as the average truthful memory would allow. There is a reason I put so many of my flaws and imperfections on display for all to see: Because that's honesty. I'd rather live life admitting my flaws and mistakes so I can grow to become a better person than live a life denying my imperfections, remaining the same delusional self-loving broken cliche of a person forever.


People have tried to censor me countless times, including trying to prevent this very book from ever seeing the light of day. They don't want me to share my life's experiences for fear of how it will make people feel. They hate it when I talk about abortion, childhood stories, people being the victim of horrible crimes and so on. My feelings about this: If you have done something, or shared with me something, that you don't want people to know about, you should not have done it, or shared it with me. When you did that, or gave that information to me, it became mine as well, because it is now part of my life, and I have every right to talk about my life/the things that impact it. I am a mostly open book when it comes to sharing my experiences, and the experiences of others that help shape their character while directly influencing me.


If people are afraid of embarrassment or other negative feelings from people knowing the truth about them, understand this: The same people that judge you, have probably done way worse than you. The Bible is wrong about a lot of things, but when they talk about the person without sin being the first to cast a stone, it implies no one should ever judge anyone, because everyone is disgusting on some level. For me, what I'm disgusting for? It's my issues with reacting to me feeling like my significant other doesn't love me, by breaking up with them. I have a constant mentality where I essentially relationship panic and reject people the moment I think they don't really love me. It's the root of many of my past relationship issues and continues to this day. It's the reason I've dumped people twice as much as I've ever been collectively dumped. I want so desperately to be loved by one person, that if I find they do not love me, I lose my self-esteem, my self-worth, break down with sadness or fear and end the relationship.


A lot of people will write books about themselves and leave out all their flaws and mistakes. They won't tell you their real opinions or take part in potentially divisive speech because their goal is primarily success/profit. They are often the richer for doing so. Using your emotions and opinions to extract money from you. But as I was in the beginning, I am not that person. I want to produce somethings special, not just a product.


I have made many enemies from expressing my views. Enemies who instead of asking themselves whether or not I'm right, instead of asking themselves if it's ok that people have different views, they resort to doing everything they can to silence me, discredit me & otherwise disparage my name. They've gone on documentaries lying about me, taking me consistently/laughably out of context, ignoring the police, the FBI, lawyers, and the legal system itself all so they can sell ads, get attention and continue painting me as a Charles Manson or Ted Bundy type. It's absurd, but not surprising.


These people are just like countless other people. When they lie, they no longer need to have rules like healthy people do. Liars like them have no moral limitations, and they have unlimited levels of delusion that allow them to reinvent the world how they see to such an extent that facts no longer matter to them. Who is right and wrong? Whoever they feel they can profit most from saying is right or wrong. Money, likes, shares or whatever else they get a kick out of, that's the goal. The truth simply doesn't matter to most people, so it seems.


It doesn't matter to them that nothing they said added up or showed any result. All that matters is that they come up with some other evil color to paint me with and everyone forgets that the last thing they tried to sling at me fell through, like all the other things, fell through.


I say all this because on top of trying to and successfully destroying my life in numerous ways (such as causing me to lose my job on numerous platforms despite having done nothing to violate the platform policies) they also tried to go after my right to have something as basic as my own voice.


What frauds always want people who tell the truth to do: Shut up. And they will try to shut up anyone who is a threat to anyone knowing who they really are.


But sadly, I strongly feel most people are frauds. Hence why when you expose the fraud, most people, simply don't care. Kind of like the meat industry. Many of you eat cows, chickens, pigs etc. I myself eat fish. Do any of us need to? Well... I would argue that we do need to eat fish, because people who eat fish statistically live longer, healthier lives, than people who do not. And yet, I sit here wondering, what is your excuse? Why do we put pigs, as smart as human children, in little cages, and slaughter them? Why do we eat baby sheep, baby cows? Does eating them extend your life expectancy? No. It doesn't.


It's one thing to do something because your body is designed for it, it's another to do something, despite your body suffering because of it.


The leading cause of death in the world? Heart failure? Cancer? The leading cause of heart failure, cancer etc? Diet.


And why? Why do you kill yourselves? Because it "tastes good". Enjoy eating and shitting out your own life, I guess. This is why I say most people are frauds. We pretend to be animal lovers, but most the time, we're just showing animals senseless cruelty. Shitting out them, their kids, their kid's kids and so on, because they "taste good" not factoring the fact that it's simultaneously killing us.


No one is more afraid of people talking, than frauds. Honest people will often say to liars, "Go ahead, talk." when it comes to sharing their own experiences, because they will trip up, they will present massive contradictions that even with added context make no sense. Dishonest people? When they see truthful people talk? They want them silenced or "de-platformed" as soon as possible so their lies cannot be revealed for what they are.


You might ask, "Well why would an honest person ever want someone to not talk? Why do agreements exist where people remain silent?" The answer to that is one I figured out over time. The reason you might not want someone to talk crap about you is because you don't want them to say something they don't mean in the heat of the moment.


I personally lost friends because I used to talk in the heat of the moment, all the time. Hence me dumping people before I could think things through. Eventually, I said so many mean things about people that I later regretted, burning bridges that I couldn't unburn, that I started signing agreements with my friends so that I would not, and they would not, handle our differences by saying things we could not take back on a public platform. This is part of the reason I exclude many names from this book and won't even discuss some stories about some people.


One person I signed an agreement with said months later on the phone that she regretted breaking the agreement (more specifically referencing her attacking me publicly) as once she calmed down, she realized all she had done is hurt herself and the people she once claimed to care about. Yes, she made a lot of money doing it, through her own admission, but money didn't fill the hole she dug, and now? A friendship is destroyed forever. One she seemed to value when she wasn't blinded by rage.


Regardless, frauds often live in constant fear. Fear that they will be found out, fear of their own reflection.


The reality: I sleep very well at night because I shamelessly tell the truth on a constant basis, regardless of how it makes me look.


Do you?


Let's go back to my eighth-grade life, as it turns out, the year was quite eventful, and worth more than one chapter.


Some people online seem to have the idea that when I was in High School, I was a slut: No, I wasn't, not by a long shot. The concept was shared, spread and people believed it. In reality, the only person I had slept with in my first year, was one person, the girl much of the last chapter was dedicated to. But it brings you to question: Why do people who spread rumors online think I am capable of sleeping with countless people? Not only morally, but you really think I'm that attractive?


It reminds me of people spreading the rumor that I stuffed my pants. It's like: You realize that by saying what you just did, you're implying a compliment, right? You're once again wrongfully assuming you know more about me, than me. And because I know the truth, and you're gambling, I guess, you think I'm packing. I disagree, but clearly, that's your opinion.


"Onision slept with everyone when he was in grade school!"= "Onision was attractive to people in grade school!"


"Onision stuffs his pants!" = "I observed Onision's bulge and think it's big!"


Just stating the obvious.


Regardless, my goth girlfriend at the time had a gay friend, yes, the twin brother. He went through a very embarrassing transition into being gay, and I think it was partially my fault.


One of the times I was likely single/apart from my goth girlfriend, he handed me a note right before I got on the bus one day. I read it, and it was him confessing his love for me. It felt kind of crappy because I had recently dated his friend, but I guess he had been holding on to his feelings for some time, and it bottled up till it erupted onto the unfolded note.


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